How We Undermine Success and How to Turn it Around
In this post, I use a client case study to take a look at a subtle and common way that many of us betray our potential and delay our success. And how to turn it around immediately.
Success is inevitable when we are:
· clear on our vision of success
· confident in our ability to achieve that success
· align our speech and actions with that clear vision and confidence
Discord or lack in either of these areas blocks our achievement of success or manifests delays in the form of avoidable obstacles. Lisa, an accomplished executive, is a client who I have been working with for two years (name changed). She is familiar with the process that I teach and has used it several times to manifest various goals.
Our Accomplished CEO
Lisa is a 47-year-old founder and CEO of a lucrative title company with multiple locations, more than 20 officers and 10 staff in her offices. Lisa has a full staff at home helping with her two children, two dogs, and otherwise busy household. She has achieved her vision of financial freedom and an engaged family life, she maintains her health and fitness, invests in the wellness and growth of all her staff, and regularly enjoys travel and leisure. She is accomplished in many areas of her life.
As it is with all of us, Lisa's vision of success is ever evolving. As she achieves one goal, it gives rise to new ideas and desires. Naturally, Lisa has new interests and motivations that arise and which she pursues. Developing a clear vision of what she wants, being confident in her ability to achieve her desired vision, and aligning her speech and actions with that clear vision and confidence empowers her to achieve new successes.
Subtle Ways we Undermine our Success
However, regardless of how accomplished we are, in subtle and often unconscious ways, we can undermine our own ability to achieve success. Lisa provides us with a great example of just that.
Clarity. Lisa told me she was feeling drawn to begin dating again and developing an intimate relationship, which would be her first since she was divorced 10 years ago. She was afraid of the impact it might have on her kids, how she would have time to date or even be in a relationship, and doubted if there were even any people available whom she’d be interested in.
I asked her to give me her desire in a clear statement, and she struggled because as soon as she began to describe what she wanted, she would begin to explain all the reasons she believed it wouldn’t be possible or would have too many obstacles.
We worked together to turn the perceived obstacles into clarifying points for her desire. She was able to clarify her vision of success in this desire as:
“To meet and develop a relationship with a single man around my age, with whom my girls enjoy spending time, and who is flexible and supportive of my busy lifestyle.”
We achieved clarity.
Confidence. Once we articulate our vision of success for any given desire, we need to ensure that we are confident in our ability to achieve that success. In regard to the relationship, I asked Lisa if she had any thoughts that made her feel like it would be challenging or impossible to bring that relationship into her life. She assured me she did not, stating, “Every time I have been clear on what I want, it comes into my life seamlessly. I’m sure the universe will deliver.”
Great, with this level of confidence, Lisa seems on track in achieving success in her desire for a relationship.
Alignment. As long as Lisa's thoughts, speech, and actions are aligned with this clarity and confidence, Lisa will have a clear path to success for manifesting her desired relationship. About a week later, I was in an extended session with Lisa as she received several calls. There was a client who needed to meet that afternoon and Lisa wasn’t able to make it. She needed to find someone to cover for her. She called a title officer who seemed interested but wasn’t committing to meeting a new client that afternoon. In an effort to get a commitment from the rep. and take the meeting off her plate so that she could focus on our meeting, she said, “Can you commit? I’m in a meeting with four other people and everyone is waiting.” She got the commitment, hung up, and turned to me. It was just she and I.
This common, seemingly harmless, not even a lie, just an exaggeration of the number of people in the meeting, is the subtle action that is telling of something far greater: discord in alignment between Lisa’s thoughts and actions, and a lack of confidence in her ability to schedule someone to meet the client, and a lack of confidence in “the universe will deliver.”
Afraid that it wouldn’t work out, Lisa manipulated the thoughts and feelings of another to achieve her desired result. While the client meeting is not directly related to her desire for a personal relationship, her lack of confidence in her ability to manifest without manipulation impacts every area of her life. This action revealed her thought process, which is a result of her beliefs.
We cannot manifest success if we do not believe in success.
The Choice to Turn it Around
I brought this to Lisa's attention. Lisa used this opportunity to develop her awareness of the thoughts and feelings that are undermining her confidence and her belief in a force that will deliver as long as she follows the process of clarity, confidence, and alignment.
Had Lisa said, “I’m in a meeting, are you able to commit now?” The person may or may not have committed, and even if he hadn’t, she may have called him back after our meeting and gotten the commitment, reached another rep. after the meeting who may have even been a better fit for the client, or her schedule would have worked itself out in a way that allowed her to meet the client, or perhaps the client would have asked to reschedule for another day. There are several possibilities and when we do our best, honestly and in confidence, and allow situations to work themselves out, they tend to yield the best possible outcome for all involved.
When we manipulate a situation, we are asserting that there is only one possible outcome, that time and resources are limited, that there is no force working with us, that we are alone and must break alignment with our confidence to make something work.
When we move forward in confidence, we release the need to control, manipulate, or force. Instead, we consider all involved and know that in collaborating truthfully, we allow the best possible outcome to surface.
The choice is always ours. Each day we can choose to live in a world of confidence and collaboration.